My Application *Dun Dun Duuuuun*

[Lalas the Assassin]

Bio:
Name: Lalas the Assassin
Age: For me to know and you to find out
Favourite smiley: :aware: :P
Area: European enough to spell colour with a "u"

Why I'm Joining?
I am joining because i want to help our community with the paper and be a helping hand. Also this looks interesting enough for me to join(just like swimming :P). Also this will improve my English and widen my Vocabulary. So either way if i am accepted it sort of helps the newspaper as well as me.

Past Experiance:
I used to be a writer in the old forum. Here is a few examples:

Jokes and Riddles:

What gets wet and dries itself at the same time?
Answer: A towel

What can you catch but never throw?
Answer: A cold

What goes around the world but stays in a corner?
Answer: A stamp

Give me food i will live, give me water i will die. What i am?
Answer: Fire

The man who invented it doesn't want it. The man who bought it doesn't need it. The man who needs it doesn't know it. What is it?
Answer: A coffin

Basic Jokes

What happens when u take a fishes eye?
Answer: a fsh!

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
Answer: No eye deer(No idea)

Longer Jokes

This boy wanted to go to the toilet and the teacher said you can go but you have to say the first four letters of the alphabet. So he went home and he asked his Mum what the first letter of the alphabet was. She said how stupid can you be? So he went to ask his dad what the second letter was. He replied no why don't you because he was arguing with his friend because he was watching football. So he asked his big brother what the third letter was and he replied BATMAN!! because he was watching batman. He asked his little brother what the fourth letter was and he replied in my jumbo jet because he playing with jets. So the next day he went to the teacher and he said i know the alphabet. So he started saying...

Boy: How stupid can you be?
Teacher: Go to the Head Teachers office right now!
Boy: No why don't you?
Teacher: Who do you think you are?
Boy: BATMAN!!!
Teacher: How do you think you're going to get away with this?
Boy: In my jumbo jet!

There was a magic slide. When you say something will going down it you get what you wanted at the end. The first person went down and shouted "GOLD" and he got what he wanted. The second person went down and shouted "MONEY" and he got what he wanted. The third person went down and he was having so much fun he shouted "WHEEE" and a bucket load a pee fell on his head!

World Affairs:
(This is written at a certain date)

Hurricane Gustav

You may have heard this on the news. Hurricane Gustav has been terrorizing Louisiana. After what happened when Katrina came the U.S government had taken more notice and has reacted quicker. Thousands of people fled to find another shelter away from Gustav which meant the interstates and highways were jam packed. Some people even had helicopters from the police to take them away. It was chaos. It was estimated that two million people fled which is an all new record.

After it wrecked Louisiana the government said that the damage wasn't as bad as they predicted. Most houses had their roofs crushed and most tall objects collapsed because of the speed of Gustav. All of Louisiana was flooded and also the Caribbean was flooded. The hurricane has lost strength but still is dangerous. Oil prices has fell more than $4 which means a barrel of oil costs just over $111.

The government has now allowed citizens to re-enter their homes but has warned that not all facilities are available. Although some people re-entered their homes earlier than the government allowed them. The storm has passed the Gulf area and is heading east although it won't be as strong as was.

At its peak it is classed as a category 5 storm and has reached speeds of 155 MPH(249 KPH/KM/H). 90 people have died from this tragic natural disaster and a curfew has to take order. Everyone can only hope that nobody else has died.

When it crossed into the Caribbean it was at its peak(also that's where it started). It entered Dallas and Houston Texas, the entire Louisiana, a bit of Oklahoma and also a bit of Arkansas. After it reached Oklahoma it became nothing but a class 1 storm. At Texas it dumped 20 inches of rain. Amazing that nobody got hurt anywhere except Louisiana(in America that is).

As the storm headed towards Europe at was nothing but the usual British weather. Rain and a bit of wind. It started as a huge class 5 hurricane and ended as rain and a little bit of wind